Who's bland?

[kickaha]

For those lucky enough to have traveled north of the border to visit our Canuckian neighbors, you may have run across the epitome and zenith of Canuckian cuisine: potato chips.

A few years ago, we got the salt and vinegar variety down here in Da States, and there was much rejoicing at the news. No more would small children smelling of maple syrup and with the occasional beaver pelt belt be used to smuggle Old Dutch across the border in less than savory body cavities!

And then we tasted them. (The *CHIPS*, you perverts.)

"Where's the vinegar!?" was the hue and cry raised, for these were... dull. Nary a burned bronchial tube was to be had upon placing one of *these* on the tongue and inhaling at an inopportune time. The allure of the Canuckian chips of yore were not to be found in these thin and thinly disguised crisps.

So the use of the RMCP Youth Brigade and Synchronized Smuggling Team continues.

But now... phase II of the overtaking of 'Merican palates by the Northern Brethren has been launched. No, they have not unleashed their Ultimate Weapon (ketchup flavored), but instead have initiated a limited yet poutine-powerful strike: dill pickle.

Oh frabjous day! Calloo callay! A second chance for the Statesian chip producers to redeem themselves!

Or not.

Much like the previous ill-executed attempt, these things are LACKING! VAGUE! Dare I say it... BLAND!

Dammit, we deserve to have our tastebuds assaulted and overtaken with a flavor equal to, nay, stronger than, the Gauloise stench infiltrating our Canuckian cousins' peridontal tissues! These are not meant to be mildly flavored chips, no... the chips should be mere deployment vehicles for a full on shock and awe campaign of gustatory delight!

Sadly, it looks like we will have to continue waiting, and dreaming, of the day when intensely flavored filets of deep fried tubers equal to those of the indigenous kitchens of the South Inuits flood onto our shores and palates. Until that day, march on south, Canuckian children... march on. We'll be waiting.

Comments

Canadians

[madpiratebippy.livejournal.com]

Canada needs to be superior to the US on SOMETHING, though. I mean, they've got the whole socialized healthcare thing, and that made them feel good for a while, but the system is starting to fall apart. I hear they have pretty good beer, but it's hard to use that to feel better than a country that allows something like Bud Lite to be possible, nay, profitable. And how embarrassing is it that the US is now starting to kick ass in Hockey, of all things? Miami may not have any natural ice at any point of the year, but dammit, they do Hockey! That's got to be embarrassing. They haven't won since 93, or even been a finalist since 94, but the Dallas Stars won. Beaten by Texans at hockey. And that's not mentioning the utter humilation for the sport of Hockey at the success of the New Jersey Devils, who's gone to finals three times in the last ten years and won twice. Having Jersey defeat you at anything is just...wrong. But having Canada being bitch-slapped by a New Jersey hockey team is funny.

After socialized health care not working perfectly, hockey suckage, and not being able to brag about beer to the infidels and beer heretics south of the border, I suppose having salt and vinegar chips that rock, and that you cannot get in the US is the last leg of self-esteem for the Canuks.

I mean, you can always order them online and have them shipped, right?