Oh the pain... the pain...

[kickaha]

This will surprise no one, but I'm a geek.

Not only am I a geek, I've long been a geek. I had my Transformers phase growing up. I'll let you know when it ends. I have a Constructicons set that lived on my office shelf at UNC, and a few older models lying around. (I would love to have an original Jetfire, btw...)

I *even* went and saw the Transformers movie, in the theatre, summer of '86. A buddy of mine and I went, and had a blast - we snickered at the little kids crying when Optimus died, but we loved it.

When I heard that Michael Bay was doing a new Transformers film, I was a bit... well, hesitant doesn't quite say it right. Terrified might be closer. Bay doesn't exactly have a record of good flims, y'know? OTOH, he does blow-shit-up like nobody's business, so what the heck, it might be interesting to see what he does, right?

Okay, so I can deal with the redesigns - some of them are even kind of neat. It has come across that he actually kinda digs on the concept. He even went so far as to get Peter Cullen, the original voice of Optimus Prime, to come back for this. That's just too damned cool for words. Hugo Weaving is a great choice for Megatron, to boot. The clips that have been released have been increasingly interesting, culminating in one I now can't find a copy of, blast it. I mean come on... a giant fricking killer robot... ROLLER SKATING DOWN THE FREEWAY! I LOVE IT! They've got wheels, they've got feet... insert forehead slap of well-fucking-duh! No, really, it looks damned cool. It's... but... will you stop looking at me like that? GIANT ROBOTS! ROLLER DERBY! ON THE FREEWAY!



Then this comes across the ether today, and all hope comes crumbling down into little tiny bits of smoking ruin. Ladies and gentleman, the new Transformers theme song, zipped up to contain the travesty.



Damn you Michael Bay, you killer of inner children.



Edit: ginkgo pointed out that it sounds a lot like what's been being used for closing credits music in Big Production Films recently... that seems to be where they place the 'hip' 'edgy' music single that they want to sell to the sheeples. I really hope she's right. (That and she says she doesn't want to think about 'Autobots watching over' during the love scene... I always figured Jazz for a pervert, but...)

Comments

[badger.livejournal.com]

Hey, I hear there's a scorpion-based transformer. It's a decepticon, naturally. I'm there just for the giant F*ing robotic scorpions.

Apparently it's early on in the film, so it may be all downhill from there for me.

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

*nod* Scorponok.

Original toy (http://www.parrygamepreserve.com/images/transformers/scorponok/scorponok2_L.jpg)
Movie toy prototype (http://www.tfw2005.com/boards/imagehosting/3941344e686dd38c25.jpg)
Movie still (http://www.tfw2005.com/boards/imagehosting/441824569e64c95afe.jpg)

[jason0x21.livejournal.com]

So, uh, you do remember the original one, right? Because it was really dorky, too. There's pretty much no way the original one is cool, and certainly not for the big screen.

This sort of Rage Against the Nickleback Tool version is also not cool, but I don't think it's demonstrably worse than simply doing the original early 80's one.

Besides, they kept the transforming sound. That's far more important.

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah I remember the original, and yeah, it was 80s cheeeze with a capital chee. There are just so many ways they could have run with that, and used elements of the original, without cranking the cheeeze to 11, and the chee to about 14. I mean really, if they were going to go that way, they should have hauled GnR out of the garage, dusted them off, and let them have a go at it.

And yes, them keeping the transforming effect sound makes me unreasonably happy.

[jason0x21.livejournal.com]

Hmm, alternate bands to do the Transformers Theme:

The Polyphonic Spree
Peaches
Yeah Yeah Yeah's
Le Tigre
Robo Sapien

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

*vigorous nod*

A take on it by the Yeah Yeah Yeah's would be fun to listen to - although for some reason, my spastic, untalented inner DJ is hearing Mudhoney.

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

Oooh! Oooh!

Devo

:D

Also, I'd be kind of interested in what the warped minds behind Postal Service could do with it.

[icebluenothing.livejournal.com]

The Magnetic Fields! That would be awesome.

But the one you posted? Yeah. I downloaded it thinking, "how bad can it be?" .... Yeah.

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

Stunning, isn't it?

HA! got you!

[sylvia-wrath.livejournal.com]

I was *too old* for cartoons by the time Transformers aired. That was a show that my "annoying baby brothers" watched. harumph.

It is unbelievably ironic to me that, in my second childhood, whilst approaching middle-age, I view a Transformers trailer...with mild interest...until the ROBOT SKATING!! (HOLY CRAP, did you see that sh*t! I said this as I grabbed Jason0X21 by the arm.) The motion, it was so beautiful, so well done, so elegant. I wish I could skate like that...down a highway knocking over cars. sigh. There is no escape.

Re: HA! got you!

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

Yeah! That bit exactly! It was *gorgeous*!

[zen-oven.livejournal.com]

being geeks, herithoth and i will most likely go see this. i'm wondering if i should listen to that song ahead of time or not--maybe it won't be so bad when we're in the theatre if i just go ahead and axe murder my inner child beforehand.

yes, i'm a girl, and i had transformers. the jet fighters were my favorite, i mostly had decepticons because i thought they were cooler. i played with them more than i played with my little ponies. one christmas i even got the full-sized voltron. in my mind that is STILL the best christmas EVAR.

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

This explains much. :D

Man, I didn't get Transformers until I was in my 20s and bought them for myself. *pout*

[georgmi.livejournal.com]

My brother made a pretty good profit when he sold his Transformers collection in the early 90's.

[icebluenothing.livejournal.com]

Transformers is a huge gap in my geekdom. I was a cynical, jaded child, and my reaction to the very existence of the Transformers was, "I am being marketed to. No, thanks."

I'm still going to go see the movie, though.

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, the TV show was... not great. I just liked the toys. :)

It was a show with continuity though, which was unusual at the time - I think the only animated show prior to that (in my experience) with that was Starblazers.

[georgmi.livejournal.com]

we snickered at the little kids crying when Optimus died

That is *not* how I remember you describing your reaction to the scene at the time. :)

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

Shut up, you. You weren't there man, you have *no idea* how it went down. *No* *idea*.

I... I can't talk about it.

[georgmi.livejournal.com]

Hey, hey. There's no shame in crying when an important character dies in a book or movie. Especially. When. He. Delivers. His. Last. Lines. Like. This. Even if the character *is* a Mack truck. An *animated* Mack truck. With a pander-to-the-American-public paint job. And a marketing machine behind him that would *never* allow a toy line to go defunct.

So go ahead and cry, my friend. It's OK. Nobody thinks any less of you for it; how could they? :b

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

You are *such* an asshole. :D

[georgmi.livejournal.com]

Isn't a post that only calls me an asshole the moral equivalent of "me too"? :)

[jinasphinx.livejournal.com]

I listened to the song. Ow. I was hoping for a good cheesy '80s sound, but instead, this crap... now I have to clean out my brain by listening to Jonathan Coulton's version of "Baby Got Back".

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

LOL Pretty much anything is better.

[franktheavenger.livejournal.com]

I still haven't seen the original movie, although I did watch the cartoon some and loved the toys as a kid.

I'm considering seeing the movie because I saw a clip of Starscream doing his badass thing, and I went 'holy crap, Starscream finally gets to be badass!' It made me feel dirty. :(

[kickaha.livejournal.com]

You mean the one where he flies under the bridge, transforms while under it, grabs the far edge with his hand, and flips up onto it? Yeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh....

[franktheavenger.livejournal.com]

No, actually, this is one where he flew down over a city street and transformed to hit the ground running, as it were. :)

[herithoth.livejournal.com]

I need to check with my friend Tramm from the wedding, but I believe last year at the wedding he said he was involved in a Transformers movie, but it was all hush hush at the time. If so, after the closing credits maybe we'll hear the line he always said about a decepticon transforming into ... Shitpile! On a movie note, what do you think of the Golden Compass preview?