There's a good article in one of the latest science mags (can't remember which, but it's in my bathroom) about how the "Tabula Rasa" theory of human nature is beginning to fall out of favor, because it doesn't jibe with common sense. And to my way of thinking, it really doesn't.
I think, though I've never really put any concerted effort into analyzing this, that I have always felt somewhat the opposite of what you describe. That I am me, always me, always have been me and always will be me. Things will happen to me. My opinions and attitudes and likes and dislikes and situation and knowledge may change, but I am ME. I haven't locked away part of myself or hidden it. Sometimes my life leads me to being tougher or weaker or louder or softer, but there's nothing to dig for, I'm here. (I sometimes find it funny that people think I'm difficult to read or understand, because though I may be mildly complex, I'm not particularly protective of myself, or shielded.) It's like in my dreams...I've asked others if, when they dream, they are themselves or someone else. I am always, always, always ME. Most people tell me they may be someone else. "Well, I was a Chinese warrior, and a guy." Dreaming I was Chinese, or living in another time or place, or even another gender, and I am still ME. My name is irrelevant, my appearance is irrelevant. I am the entity doing the experiencing, even if what has led Dream Me to where she is (virtually always I am female, apparently I have a very very strong gender sense) may be completely different from the life Reality Me has led. And my personality in the dream may emphasize one aspect or another of Me, but it's me, never any question.
I have no idea what that means, though. Do I have an unusually strong sense of self? I've been told I do, so maybe so. Maybe I just lack the imagination to think of myself as someone else in a dream. I've always tried to remember that what the child Me thought, the adult Me should consider, and not let "education" or "experience" beat out of me the things I once understood. May be why I still talk to the faeries in the garden, I suppose, or maybe I'm just certifiable. ;-)
Have you ever been around newborns? They come out with their own personalities, honest. Some are easily startled and cry a lot, some are quiet and observe everything soberly, some laugh at anything, some sleep most of the time, some explore, some don't...there's definitely a personality there before experience. What we do and experience of course must shape us, but we don't start out as a blob of clay with nothing for the experiences to act upon. And have you noticed that two people can go through virtually identical experiences and see them completely differently? I've seen abused children come out of horrific situations basically cheerful and forgiving adults. I've seen people with pretty normal, non-abusive lives come out and be rotten little shits as adults (just extreme examples.) People don't react uniformly to stimulus or experience, even if their lives are parallel.
Okay, so I'm not the most philosophically inclined person on the planet. :) Hobbits prefer good food and good company and a good story to all this introspection. *heh*
Tabula Rasa.
I think, though I've never really put any concerted effort into analyzing this, that I have always felt somewhat the opposite of what you describe. That I am me, always me, always have been me and always will be me. Things will happen to me. My opinions and attitudes and likes and dislikes and situation and knowledge may change, but I am ME. I haven't locked away part of myself or hidden it. Sometimes my life leads me to being tougher or weaker or louder or softer, but there's nothing to dig for, I'm here. (I sometimes find it funny that people think I'm difficult to read or understand, because though I may be mildly complex, I'm not particularly protective of myself, or shielded.) It's like in my dreams...I've asked others if, when they dream, they are themselves or someone else. I am always, always, always ME. Most people tell me they may be someone else. "Well, I was a Chinese warrior, and a guy." Dreaming I was Chinese, or living in another time or place, or even another gender, and I am still ME. My name is irrelevant, my appearance is irrelevant. I am the entity doing the experiencing, even if what has led Dream Me to where she is (virtually always I am female, apparently I have a very very strong gender sense) may be completely different from the life Reality Me has led. And my personality in the dream may emphasize one aspect or another of Me, but it's me, never any question.
I have no idea what that means, though. Do I have an unusually strong sense of self? I've been told I do, so maybe so. Maybe I just lack the imagination to think of myself as someone else in a dream. I've always tried to remember that what the child Me thought, the adult Me should consider, and not let "education" or "experience" beat out of me the things I once understood. May be why I still talk to the faeries in the garden, I suppose, or maybe I'm just certifiable. ;-)
Have you ever been around newborns? They come out with their own personalities, honest. Some are easily startled and cry a lot, some are quiet and observe everything soberly, some laugh at anything, some sleep most of the time, some explore, some don't...there's definitely a personality there before experience. What we do and experience of course must shape us, but we don't start out as a blob of clay with nothing for the experiences to act upon. And have you noticed that two people can go through virtually identical experiences and see them completely differently? I've seen abused children come out of horrific situations basically cheerful and forgiving adults. I've seen people with pretty normal, non-abusive lives come out and be rotten little shits as adults (just extreme examples.) People don't react uniformly to stimulus or experience, even if their lives are parallel.
Okay, so I'm not the most philosophically inclined person on the planet. :) Hobbits prefer good food and good company and a good story to all this introspection. *heh*